Parents Patience and Children's Good Behaviour

Bismillah (in the name of God)

   I have been paying close attention to children's behaviour for the last ten years- that's how long I've been a mother. Now, without claiming expertise in the area let me share my most important observation. One that I've had the opportunity to see in my own parenting, my friends' parenting and even I recall from the way I was brought up how this shape the way I am.

   Friends, I firmly believe that children's behaviour is, not only, but greatly shaped by how patient we are with them. And let me be clear that coming to this understanding hasn't, from one day to another, made me a patient mom. In fact, I have lost my cool on my sweet children more often than I'd like to admit. 

   What am I doing to help myself in this aspect? First of all recognize that I need to change and take the steps necessary to keep calm when all else seems to be falling apart. It doesn't require me to be super human but determined to do what's in my best interest and my family's well being and happiness.

   Also, make sure I'm taking good care of my body; that is that I'm drinking enough water, eating wholesome foods, getting proper sleep- not the easiest with a newborn but I do what I can, and if not exercising at least moving. Everyday I intend on trying my best. Some days are great others aren't. I just try to start fresh each day.

And lastly but most importantly, feeding my soul by fulfilling my daily prayers, and raising my hands in supplication to the One who can change my condition. I can't stress enough this last step. I believe most reading this are Muslims but if that's not you raise your hands and ask the creator of life and everything in existence and you will be helped in ways you had not imagined.

   You and I both deserve to enjoy the company of our children. And let's be honest, nobody enjoys misbehaviour, constant meltdowns, disrespect, screaming and so on. You get the gist of what I mean. But our children also deserve our patience and our example in dealing with difficulty, trials and tests. Let's try this and see the results. They might not show right away but in the long term we'll be glad that we made the conscientious effort to be patient with our beloved children.

   

Being Busy Being Just a Mom

Bismillah (In the name of Allah)

  A neglected blog this is. And I am unapologetic about it; somehow it just got put in the back burner but I knew I wanted to come back here to this space and for that reason I did not delete it altogether, I just left it alone since what? September 2011!

  So, what's been happening around here...? I have been super busy being just a mom, oh not just a mom, a stay at home mom, ok in all honesty... the title is a homeschooler stay at home mom. A title I never, in my wildest dreams, would have thought nine years ago. But here I am raising four children, home educating them, striving to provide them with nourishing meals and good memories. I must say I am very happy life took this turn and made me a mama of four darlings (the last sweetling came into our lives in the summer of 2012, and I'll refer to him as Soofer to continue with the tradition of giving my babes nicknames in this space)

  I am not going to pretend life is all sweet and my days are full of joy and laughter and well-behaved children who do as they're told. But I'm going to let you know that I'm going to spare you those details, most of the time. I want to come here to 'talk' about the things that bring calm and peace to my soul, things that I dream of doing, things that are relevant to homemakers and moms; I want to share new things I learn, keep a sort of journal of the various things I got going in the kitchen, the sewing corner, the learning corner, etc.

  Right now I should go and start a batch of sourdough, my second attempt this winter. If it goes well I will share the results here.

  So follow along and share your thoughts.

We're a homeschooling Bunch

Bismillah,

Homeschooling is a subject very close to my heart. I strongly believe that children need to grow up under the care of their parents, especially their mother for the first 7 years, if at all possible. I'm also aware of the influence peers can have on others, and although sometimes can be a good influence, in most cases, it's a negative influence which affects children for a very long time until they, on their own, find their identity.

Today, however, homeschooling is hard on parents because 'the norm' is to send children to school at the age of four, or even earlier. Parents, especially mothers, look forward to this milestone in their children's development for many reasons. They believe their children are going to be socially adept by being around other people, and learn valuable things essential to the development of their intellect, among other benefits. But in a lot of cases, mothers want their children to attend school because they don't have the patience to have them around all the time not because they think or believe school is the best choice to their children's needs. Here is where net-working with other home-schooling parents plays an important role. One can share experiences and be there to support one another when times get tough. In this way, I believe most parents can face the challenges of home-schooling successfully. 

I've been meaning to write about our homeschooling approach and our experiences so far with it. We implement the delayed approach, in which children are not introduced to formal homeschooling until the age of seven. Before that they should engage in as much unstructured play and should be read to for an hour a day minimum.

Unstructured play takes in all forms and shapes. Here are a few of the ways I home-school everyday:

We Play outside with a pile of soil and let our imagination unfold:

We play with home-made play dough and "make what we dream of making when we grow up"

Reading is the other fundamental thing right at this age. I try to read to my children in the morning and afternoon and I can see how much love they hold for their books. I hope I can continue to instill love for literature well after this stage. But to be honest, I believe it is in our human nature to love reading; it just sometimes gets forgotten due to over-stimulation from the technology of these days. We try our best to stay away from TV watching and I have no one video-game available at home.

We also spend time outdoors doing what the family likes best: Soaking up sun, visiting interesting places in our surroundings, visiting and going out with friends, you name it. The important thing is to get out there and be in touch with nature as much as we can.

I can honestly see the benefits to this approach as I see my children learning a lot of things out of their own interest. They don't write or read yet even though my oldest will be five in two weeks but the things they're learning is what I believe fundamental to their development at this stage of their lives. Once they've outgrown this stage there won't be coming back to it. Imagination it's at its wildest and liveliest right now and what can be learned from it is truly a treasure.

I am sharing this to inspire you to take a look at the benefits of this approach in the up-bringing of our children, our treasures.

Happy home-schooling!

An Update

Bismillah (In the name of Allah)

It's been a while since I posted here. I've been so busy taking up new interests and trying to keep up the old ones. I have to admit I yet have to come up with a plan that helps me include all my hobbies and obligations in my weekly routine so I don't feel frustrated for not having time for the things that help me relax and the things that need to be done to have a household with three children under five years of age running smoothly. Now, that was a run-off sentence!

As I have shared here in the past I started making my own bread from my very own home-milled flour. It's been a very satisfying experience but like anything worthwile it requires time. I'm more than willing to invest the time needed thus a plan needs to come into effect so this new chore blends in smoothly with all the existing ones.

I have also started speaking my mother-tongue with my children inspired by Itto and it's going well but it could be draining, mashAllah. I don't speak Spanish much since my husband doesn't speak it and I have very few friends who do, whom I see rarely. I started to read Don Quixote de la Mancha not so much to polish up my Spanish vocabulary but to fall in love with the language of Cervantes once again; I think that'll help me get the encouragement I need. I'm also going to be watching the news online from a Colombian news channel. InshAllah that goes well and I can gift my children with bilingualism.

Oh yeah, last but not least, I've taken up knitting :o) and I made a hat for my oldest one after about two weeks of practicing over and over the knit and purl stitches. The actual hat only took a week of knitting in the evenings. What can I say? I love the craft! It's relaxing, satisfying and you can make things you and your family can wear. I would have loved to have that done for me when I was a child and I can see that my son was very happy and proud of his new hat, yay! Now I have to hurry and make something wintery for my two girls before the season is over.

InshAllah, I also want to take up sewing partly because I have a sewing machine sitting in the box it came in for about three years but mainly to ba able to make skirts for my little girls and maybe thowbs (Muslim men's long robes) for my husband and son.

I want to try and keep it at this for now, perhaps for the next year or so. I am craving making things with my hands, things for the home, the family, but I have to be realistic with the season I'm going through right now in my life: The child rearing season. I want to savour it and live it. I want my kids to grow up to have fond memories of their childhood and also to have good characteristics and love for Islam. And, yes it can be done! We just have to put our minds to it; but foremost we have to put our affairs in Allah's hands and never underestimate the power of our dua's (supplications.)

InshAllah you all are having a productive and blessed week.

Nighty Night Sweethearts

Bismillah (In the name of Allah)


When it comes to homemaking, parenting, Islam, and whatever relates to it I believe myself to be an amateur in her very early attempts. And on top of that, I'm progressing at crawling speed-sigh.


Last night, though, I realized that there's one thing that I had mastered in the parenting arena: I have, alhamdulillah (praised be Allah,) got all my children accustomed to go to bed by themselves. Let me elaborate: I developed sort of a routine where my two older kids get in their pjs, brush their teeth, and go to bed just expecting from me "a warm hug and kisses." After tucking them in bed with 16-month-old in arms I proceed to her room where I nurse her, give her the same dose of hugs and kisses, put her in bed and they're gone to sleep. I know some of you might be thinking,"What's the big deal?" But to me it's a blessing. After I put them to bed after spending the entire day with them, alhamdulillah, I need my time to do whatever I enjoy and spend time with my husband in the evening; and I also believe it's healthy for children to have set bedtimes instead of just being up beyond tire until parents go to sleep. I know too many a case and I know how it can affect people's lives negatively.


I think we had to stop and thank Allah often for the things He blesses us and gives us ease with, and this is what I'm thaknful for today. We could become so pesimistic due to the challenges we face everyday and the difficulties we encounter as parents that our vision becomes so clouded and we can't see beyond the negative. I invite you to look at those little blessings that we are offered everyday. It sometimes can be as obvious as what I shared above but other times it could hide behind seemingly hideous things like a messy house or dirty dishes in the sink. A messy house, dirty dishes? Of course! Having a lively house causes mess, which could be cleared anytime you want, anyways. And, as for dirty dishes in the sink I leave this one up to you to ponder about ;-)

Alhamdulillah for the ease I've been given and all the blessings I am showered with everyday!